Ethan’s Hospital stay.

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I was feeling quite worried about Ethan.He had been vomiting after every feed.Not just once, but 3-4 times.And not small vomits, but huge projectile ones that went everywhere.All over the floor, all over Ethan, and all over me. I was changing Ethan’s clothes at least 5-6 times a day.One night, Ethan vomited about 6 times in a row, I didn’t think that he would stop.Ethan was crying, I didn’t know what do. I didn’t know if this was normal? I got told that it was. As long as he’s gaining weight. Which he was to start with. So, I wasn’t too worried.When he started losing weight. I began to worry. I went to the doctors and got prescribed Gaviscon, and told that I wouldn’t be seen again until January.Which, was a few weeks away. I didn’t think that was good enough.Especially, since my baby had been losing weight, and he’s only six weeks old. Luckily I saw the midwife the next day. She weighed him and he had lost more weight. He had lost 430 grams in 6 days. She was concerned, and referred me to the hospital emergency department. I didn’t really have time to worry. I had to organise care for Riley and Hannah.Luckily I have kind neighbours, who could take care of them during the day.I had to ring my husband and let him know what was happening.Then I ran around like a mad thing, trying to get bags packed, hoping that I had everything.Then it was getting there.

While I was driving I just tried to focus on driving and the music playing, so I didn’t have time to think.Once we got there I got told to wait, that the doctor would be there shortly.I tried to read and concentrate on my story, but found that I would be reading the same line, over again. About half an hour later, near Ethan’s feed time. The doctor came. I had to explain my story, again.And that I needed to feed Ethan.I was taken to a room, where I could feed Ethan. And talk to a set of doctors from the Paediatric team. Where once again I told my story.That Ethan was six weeks old.He was born a bit early at 36 weeks. He was breastfed for two weeks, then bottle-fed. It wasn’t until he was just over a month old, that he started vomiting after feeds, and during feeds. Doing big vomits, that would go everywhere. It was not until he was losing weight that I was concerned.The doctors checked him over.His temperature, his heart, and his tummy.But,until they had done some blood tests, they could not  tell me what the cause of the vomiting was.They said it could either be a urinary infection or a condition which I got the doctor to write down for me, called, Pyloric stenosis.They said that was quite rare, so I wasn’t expecting Ethan to have that.We were booked in to stay at the children’s ward.It would probably be longer than an overnight stay.

Once we reached the ward, there were more doctors to tell my story to.Ethan got his bloods done very bravely.They said that they were testing to see whether he had indicators for Pyloric Stenosis.Ethan was then put in a hospital gown, a festive one, since it’s nearly Christmas.I was told not to feed him.As they wanted to test the fluids in his stomach.He had an iv put in, and had fluids going down him to keep him hydrated and to give him nutrition.We were then given our room.It was approaching late afternoon by then, so I went out to get some meals.When I came back the doctors had the blood tests back and said that there was an indication that Ethan had Pyloric  conditi.But they had to be 100 percent certain that, that was what he had, as it requires an operation.So, he was booked in for an ultrasound scan to confirm the diagnosis.Until that happened I couldn’t feel certain.I planned for an early night.Luckily Ethan loves his dummy, and he was quite happy to suck away on it.We both slept quite well, despite being in a noisy hospital.

The next day, the scan confirmed that he definitely did have, Pyloric stenosis.That was a relief,to know that was the cause of his vomiting.And that it could be easily fixed.

Pyloric Stenosis:- is a narrowing of the pylorus, the lower part of the stomach through which food and other stomach contents pass to enter the small intestine. When an infant has pyloric stenosis, the muscles in the pylorus have become enlarged and cause narrowing within the pyloric channel to the point where food is prevented from emptying out of the stomach. (Kids health.org).

Then just lots of waiting.Waiting for the surgeon to talk to us.He reassured us that it’s a very straightforward surgery, with a fast recovery.That he’s been doing them for twenty years.He’s done hundreds of them.We felt that Ethan is in good hands.The surgery won’t take place until the next day.So we will be here over Christmas.We have to change our Christmas plans to boxing day.As I don’t want to miss watching my children open their presents.But right now we have to do what is best for Ethan.And it doesn’t matter that we will be in over Christmas.Until Ethan’s operation it’s just endless reams of time to fill in.Trying not to worry about what is ahead.Only trying to focus moment by moment.I don’t feel strong at all.I just know that I can’t break down.I have to remain calm and in control for Ethan.That I can only concentrate on the moment.Trying not to think too far ahead.I put my trust in the doctors hands.And tell myself that they know what they’re doing.

The name of Ethan’s surgery is called,Pyloromyotomy:-Which involves cutting through the thickened muscle of the pylorus, is performed to relieve the blockage.The pylorus is examined through a very small incision, and the muscles that are overgrown and thickened are spread and relaxed. (Kids health.org).

This is what the incision that the surgeons made on Ethan’s tummy  looks like.It will eventually fade, and become a small scar.Pretty incredible!

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The day of the operation, I was feeling anxious but ready to get this over with.The morning was spent in anxious anticipation.Trying to fill in the time,but not really able to concentrate.When we were called,Ethan was wheeled out in his cot, sucking on his dummy, oblivious to what lay in store. My eyes were dry.I wanted to cry,feeling that Ethan was too small for this.But I knew it was for the best.I said goodbye to Ethan, then went back to the ward, to have lunch and wait for the call.Casey arrived with Riley.It was good to see them both.It wasn’t long before I was called to recovery.I got there and found Ethan swaddled and looking sleepy.I hopped on the bed and got to snuggle with Ethan, as we were wheeled back to the room.Once we there, Ethan was transferred to another cot.I was told that he couldn’t be fed for 6 hours.So he had to be content with the dummy.I spent some time playing with Riley.It was nice to spend some time with him, as I had missed him and hadn’t seen him in a few days.We did puzzles and played blocks.It was hard to say goodbye, but I knew that I would see him soon.

Then it was just Ethan and me, again. I looked forward to feeding Ethan in the evening.At 8 am.I was able to feed Ethan his first bottle.He was to start on 25ml.I got told that he could still vomit, up to 48 hours after the operation.At Ethan’s first feed he scoffed the milk down in a minute, with no problems.I headed to bed not long afterwards, as I knew that I would be up in the night, for feeds and replacing, Ethan’s dummy.At his next feed, he went up to 100ml.He managed half and unfortunately it all came back up.It was discouraging.But since, I was told that was normal I was not too worried. Ethan was given smaller amounts for his next feed, but he’d still bring it up.So, he would be quite unsettled, as his stomach is still empty.As soon as Ethan started keeping down his feeds, things got easier.Since it was Christmas eve, we got a visit from Santa.There was a sack of goodies for Ethan and Riley.And because Ethan had been keeping down quite a few feeds, we were allowed to go home on Christmas day.That was the best Christmas present.Having Ethan well and going home.

Psalm 139:13 “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you wove me together in my mothers womb.I will praise you , for I am awesomely and wonderfully made.

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Ethan’s Birth Story.

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And once again I was taken by surprise at my third baby’s arrival. I was still only 36 weeks pregnant. Not quite term.My goal had been to make it to term.That didn’t happen.I had been planning on having a home birth..just not quite in the way it turned out to be. I had no feeling at all that I was due to give birth.Yet,you were ready to come. I was not ready.It all started at around 1:50 am. The first thing to happen, was my waters partially broke. I was like “uh oh, it has started. Your father was fast asleep. I tried calling his name, several times..to no response. Then as the pain increased.. I just thought, I have to do this on my own. Went to the toilet first, then to the kitchen, as it has wooden floors, I didn’t want to mess up the carpet in the other rooms. I was doubled over in pain, shaking, scared, and alone.I got on all fours, and I managed to text the midwife, “Having baby”.What kept me going through that short amount of time, was that I would see my baby soon! And I did. Within a matter of minutes. I felt you coming out, you just slid out. And there you were..my beautiful boy. Absolutely perfect. I told you that I loved you so much. And I held you close to me, for warmth. Then I phoned the midwife, and waited for her to come. I tried again, calling out a number of times to your Dad, to no avail. I couldn’t move, as you were still attached to me. I just held you close, and reassured you. I was relieved when the midwife arrived.She was surprised to find me alone. I was still in shock. I couldn’t believe that I had just given birth on my own. She soon got us sorted out. Luckily, Ethan took really well to the breast. So, I didn’t need to go into hospital.Which was a relief, as that was the one thing that I didn’t want to happen. About an hour after I had given birth, the midwife woke my, terribly suprised husband, and told him that I had given birth. Ethan was doing so well, that the midwife left us to it. It was nice to sleep in our own bed. Not that we got much sleep. I was still in shock. Trying to take it all in.

It was pretty neat, showing Ethan to his siblings. They had both luckily slept through the whole thing. Hannah was the first to meet, Ethan. She is only 22 months old. She just kept saying “Baby, baby!” Not completely understanding what had happened. And still needing lots of cuddles and love from mummy. Riley was next. And he was so happy to see his baby brother. He was grinning from ear to ear. Giving Ethan lots of gentle touches, and waving to him. It was so nice to see.And as people heard how I gave birth, they were all calling me amazing! And such a trooper. I honestly don’t feel that way. I just did what I felt  I had to do at the time. I also feel quite guilty that I couldn’t rouse my husband. That I should of tried harder. In hindsight anyway. The main thing is that, Ethan is safe and doing well.

Psalm 139:13-14 “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you wove me together in my mother’s womb.I will praise you, for I am awesomely and wonderfully made;”

The hardest thing.

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I never imagined that I would ever be a parent.I know that I always wanted to be one.And now that I am.I can’t imagine not being one.

I have two beautiful children.A very bright,curious, and cheeky, three year old son,a very beautiful,smiley, and adventurous, 21 month old daughter.And an eight month baby boy bump, growing inside me.Due in December! I always say that my children are the best things that I have ever done with my life.And they truly are.

But in reality,parenting is hard.Alot of days,most days really, I feel like I am drowning.And having Bipolar and its extreme mood swings mixed in, can make life unbearable.Even though I have two beautiful children and another on the way.

On the days that I am depressed.Nothing is beautiful.Not even my children.I want to be left alone.I want my children to leave me alone.But of course that cannot happen.Especially while my children are little.They need me for things.The basics, food,clothing,nappy changes,hugs and kisses.They want me.My full attention.Even though all I want to do is curl up in a ball,be alone,and hide away from the world.Unfortunately,I am never alone with my little ones.Not even to go to the toilet.

Of course the guilt always comes with the depression.Not being “emotionally there” for my children.Feeling like a “Crap mum” “Hopeless” “Useless” “they deserve a better mum” “they deserve a well mum”.All them thoughts and more..It’s very hard.I hate what the depression does to me, how it changes me, messes up my head, spoils my precious time with my children.I hate it! I hate how it rules my life.As the depression takes over,so does the anger.And unfortunately yelling at the kids.Trying not to swear, but that slips out too.I find it hard to function.I let Hannah watch too much Peppa pig.So, I can do things,and not have to spend time with her.I let Riley,watch as much “youtube” as he wants.I let the kids make a mess.I feel bad that my brain doesn’t work properly and respond how I want it to.These days are the longest days.Days where I do not want to be a mum.

The hardest thing.Is that I have two beautiful children,who I love to pieces.Yet when I am depressed, I cannot feel that love.I feel nothing but, empty and hollow. I have these two beautiful treasures,Yet I Keep getting them taken away.It hurts.It’s the hardest thing.

I hope that I can one day reach the point, where I am okay to just be a “good enough” mum.Despite the depression,despite the mania, despite not knowing if I will ever be fully well? I am not there yet.Not by a long shot.I live one day at a time.I treasure the good days and the good moments.I love making my daughter laugh.I love seeing my son smile and get excited by learning new things.I love hearing my daughters squeals of excitement, when I say lets do “bouncy,bouncy”.I love it when my son is trying to make sense of the world, by his words.I love hearing my son ask for “twenty-ten kisses” every  bed-time.I love having snuggles with my daughter and son.These things and more..I treasure most.

“Behold, children are a heritage of Jehovah, The fruit of the womb a reward”. (Psalm 127:3).

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After The Halo.

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This is about what happened with Riley, after he came out of his halo…and where he is right now.

We had a short set back, after Riley came out of his Halo.We didn’t know what to expect.The day, that Riley came out of his Halo, I was filled with trepidation as we travelled to the hospital.When the doctor took his suit off, Riley’s neck was really floppy I had to hold onto it.As his neck was so weak.Riley was very upset, he had gotten so used to his Halo, that he didn’t want it to come off. It was very distressing for him.It was like he had lost his best friend. It was distressing for me, as well, to see Riley so upset.The doctor said that it would take a few days for Riley to settle. It didn’t. Riley cried a lot. He was barely eating, and seemed to be in pain.We didn’t want Riley’s neck to turn back.So, off to hospital again! Only a short stay this time. Thank goodness! The main concern with Riley, was more with his eating, than his neck. His neck checked out fine.They said it was normal for Riley, to not be able to turn his neck straight away.That, with him being in the fixed position in the Halo for so long.It takes awhile for all the tendons and muscles to loosen.So, all he needed was regular pain relief.With the main concern being Riley’s eating.Which luckily could be maintained at home. We were in for only two days, and went home on the third day.

Since leaving hospital, adjusting to being home, and adjusting to being out of the Halo.Riley has made such incredible progress.Only a few weeks since, Riley came back home.He just one day, stood up, and decided he was ready to walk.It was incredible and heart-warming to watch.Riley could not stop smiling and laughing.He walked over and over, around all the different rooms in the house, back and forth, back and forth.I was so proud!It has been a long time coming, but well worth the wait.And a few weeks later, Riley started talking..that was incredible and still is.He started by copying words that I would say, like “Okay” and “Hmmm!” to “Mum help” “Mum, sit down” “That goes, here” and loads more.

My son is so amazing, he’s been through a lot in his small life.But he’s so resilient.He’s my hero.Riley, is such a bright, three-year old.He loves doing 100 piece star wars puzzles, and is now up to 300 piece puzzles.He loves to count, and can count all the way up to 29, he can say his “ABCs”, and he really loves learning..he recently has got interested in learning about different countries, and is wanting me to read the Atlas to him, as a bed time story. Riley is settling in well at kindy and is amazing all the teachers and kids with his puzzle skills.

It is a joy and pleasure to watch, be there, learn, and help my son, as he grows into his own special little person.I love him so much.

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For you alone, O Jehovah, cause me to dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).

Sweet dreams, always, my sweet boy! Never stop dreaming.

 

The Halo Experience.

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Riley, went into his pinless halo, while we were still in hospital.I had no idea what to expect.I didn’t even know, what it looked like.It was heart-wrenching, as he was fitted into this special suit.He has to wear it for six weeks.With no taking it off at all.Not even for baths.

It was so hard.The first two days were the hardest.Riley’s head was positioned in a straight fixed position.He was unable to turn his head from side to side.He couldn’t sleep on his tummy.Which is his favourite sleeping position.He eventually found a side/tummy position to sleep in.He cried lots and lots to start with, as he got used to this strange contraption.It was so hard.I felt so helpless and useless. I was thinking,”How much more does my son have to go through, before he can get better?” And “How, can I keep remaining strong for my son, when I feel like breaking!” He wasn’t able to take food to start with and vomited alot.I could only be there with my son, in his discomfort and sickness.

What is a halo? Much like a fiberglass cast holds a broken arm or leg in place, a “halo” with vest holds a child’s head and neck in place after a spinal injury so that spinal bones, or vertebrae, can heal.

This brace lets children who have been injured or are recovering from spinal surgery walk, move around, and participate in many regular activities instead of being confined to bed rest while they recover. (Kidshealth.org).

While my son was getting used to being in his halo.My daughter turned one.We celebrated her birthday at the hospital.It was “bittersweet”.I gave my daughter lots of love and care on her special day.I dressed her in a pretty dress, and had a special number one cake for her, made by my sister.It was sweet. We still managed to have a good time, despite Riley’s discomfort.Luckily the day after, Riley was happier and adjusting well to his Halo.We ended up having such a special day together.I took Riley to the Wellington Zoo.We had such a blast seeing all the animals, especially the little blue penguins and eating chocolate ice-cream.I even managed to find a puzzle for Riley to do.The best thing, was just seeing, Riley so happy! He is just so resilient and so amazingly brave.

The greatest news though, was being able to go home for Christmas, and being reunited with my husband and my one year old daughter.We came home to a new house, and a new start.It took me awhile to get used to being home, and having Hannah around too.

There were a few downsides to Riley being in the halo.He had to wear tops that were 2-3 sizes big for him, he couldn’t wear a sunhat, as it wouldn’t fit over his suit, he couldn’t have a bath for six weeks, so he smelt pretty bad near the end of six weeks.He was very heavy to lift,Riley ended up falling out of his bed twice, so he went from being in a toddler bed,to a regular sized bed.And anywhere we went we got alot of stares and questions. “Why is he wearing that?”.Riley wasn’t fazed at all, and loved being out and about.I didn’t always like it so much,especially when someone asked how he hurt himself, as its not a simple explanation.He didn’t hurt himself, he had a rare complication happen, from his previous operation.Which is a mouthful to say.

Riley, had to celebrate his third birthday, in the Halo.Despite that, we still managed to have a great day.Riley helped me make and decorate his cake.And we had his favourite meal for dinner, butter chicken.

“When you pass through the waters,I will be with you,And through the rivers,they will not flow over you.And when you walk through the fire,you will not be burned,and the flame will not consume you.”(Isaiah 43:2).
It is very hard, at the time to believe this.But looking back I can appreciate that God,was taking the best care of my son.

When it came time for the doctors to remove the halo, we didn’t know what to expect.It all culminated in another hospital stay.

Hospital stay No 2.

I knew something wasn’t right with Riley.We never should of come home from the hospital.I didn’t know what recovery was meant to be like.I should have.

He was listless, his head was tilted to one side, he wasn’t eating much, he would lie on the couch all day, watching cartoons, not interested in toys, or getting up and moving around.He would scream..as if in pain, everytime we had to move him.It was heartbreaking.Was this normal recovery? we didn’t know.We tried our best to give him medicine orally, he wouldn’t take it. not after the awful experiences at the hospital.We tried it in smoothies and drinks.We tried to keep him comfortable.Yet nothing worked, he still seemed in pain!

We took him to the doctor.And got sent to A and E. And after waiting over eight hours, we were just told that Rileys tilting head was just a viral infection.And we got sent home.2-3 weeks on.Riley is still not better.He is so skinny, I can feel his bones. He’s still in pain.This isn’t right, he should be better by now.

Back to A and E. And admitted.Except it took nearly two weeks for the doctors to work out what was wrong with Riley. It was his neck all along.What Riley had was called, Atlantoaxial Subluxation:-“Which refers to a condition affecting the top of the spine.Subluxation is another term for dislocation.And atlantoaxial references the top two cervical vertebrae when dislocation or instability occurs it may be mild or serious.” (Wise geek.com).Firstly Riley was given a soft collar to wear over the week-end.It didn’t help. The next step was to put Riley in Traction.“Which is the use of a pulling force. It aligns the end of a fractture by pulling the limb into a straight position, it relieves pain, and it takes the pressure off the bone ends by relaxing the muscle.”(Medical-dictionary.the free dictionary.com.).He was given a special sloped bed.The nurses had decorated his bed with tinsel and christmas lights.As it was December.The hardest thing being that Riley was confined to the bed for most of the day.Apart from three lots of thirty minute breaks a day.For bath,meals, and play. It was very hard. I had to constantly keep Riley entertained with drawings, puzzles, books, whenever he wasn’t watching Dora dvds over and over again.Night-times were the hardest.Riley would keep moving around on his bed, frustrated with wearing the sling around his neck, and it pulling on him.One night I was up every hour.Reassuring Riley, and Readjusting his sling.It was a challenge.

 

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Riley’s special sloped Christmas bed.And Riley, in his special wheel-chair.

To make matters so much more harder, is that I was still severely depressed..and didn’t seem to be getting any better. Everyday was the same. I would get woken up by Riley or the nurse.Feel truly lousy, and say to myself, “I can’t do this!” “I can’t take another day of this!”. Yet, for my beautiful boy, I somehow managed to carry on.To do, puzzle after puzzle over again. To colour in with him, using every single pen in the container.To take Riley on endless walks, up and down the red, purple, and orange lifts.To only seeing my 11 month old daughter, every second or third day.And only having such a small amount of time with her, and then she’s gone again. To seeing my husband, once or twice a week is so hard. Yet through it all, you realise, just how much you are able to cope with..as you don’t really have a choice.

What did help get me through was the amazing support of friends and family. Bringing in meals, snacks, toys, and dvds. The amazing nurses who gave me breaks, and gave me my own room at night so I could catch up on sleep.And the Ronald Mac Donald house, with it’s amazing facilities.I will always be immensely grateful.

My son is the most incredibly strong one! He has coped with so much being done to him.With being confined to his bed for 2 weeks, with having to have a feeding tube put down his nose,  having numerous blood tests, x-rays, and scans done. I don’t think an adult would cope with half as much as what Riley has gone through. One positive thing that happened, was that Riley was given a special chair, that he could do traction with, but he was free to move around. He loved it, we went for so many walks in it.With Riley flapping his arms in happiness.We would get stares, and smiles wherever we went. I would find that hard, but Riley didn’t care at all. He was so happy to be moving and out of his bed.Then another good thing happened, Riley had a CT scan done of his neck.And while he was under General Anaesthetic, the doctor, moved his neck into place.

Riley is now wearing a special vest, called a pinless Halo.This is the next challenge.We left the hospital three days before Christmas to a new house, and a new challenge.

“But the God of all grace, he who has called you into his eternal glory in Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a little while, will himself perfect, establish, strengthen, and ground you.” (1 Peter 5:10).

End note:-The cause of Riley’s “Atlantoaxial rotary subluxation was caused by Riley’s cranial facial surgery. That it is a very rare consequence or complication of this surgery.And that the pain following Riley’s head surgery was the cause.

It was just unfortunate that this happened to Riley.

 

 

Riley’s Hospital stay #1

For Riley.

This is a story that I have to write.It is for my beautiful son to read when he’s older.
This is his story.About,his head surgery.
How it affected him. How it affected my husband and me.

Before Riley’s operation.Riley was doing really well.Especially in regards to walking.He only needed one hand to be held.He wanted us to take him everywhere, with his favourite yellow boots.

Why did he need the operation? We had some visits to see some cranial facial surgeons.They were concerned with Riley’s head shape.He had some CT scans done which showed that Riley had a condition called “Craniosynostosis” Inwhich one or more of the fibrous sutures in an infant skull,prematurely fuses, by turning into bone.Thereby changing the growth pattern of the skull.Because the skull cannot expand perpendicular to the fused suture,it compensates by growing more in the direction parallel to the closed sutures.In cases inwhich the compensation does not effectively provide enough space for the growing brain.Craniosynostosis results in increased intracranial pressure to allow for the natural growth and development of a normal skull.

So, to create more space in Riley’s head. He needed to have an operation.Which was called “Cranial Vault Remodeling”:-This procedure involves the surgical removal and reshaping of fused cranial bones.

Below, is an image of where the incision is made, and the swelling that happens to the eyes.

(Image found on Google images).

What the operation involves. ” An incision is made on the top of the head that runs from ear to ear. It is usually not necessary to shave hair for this procedure. The abnormal bone is removed and remodeled to create a normal appearing head. The bone is put back in place with screws and plates that will dissolve in 12 to 18 months. A small drain is left in place for several days. Most patients will have eye swelling that will resolve in 5 to 7 days. Approximately 60% of our patients will require a blood transfusion with this procedure. Most patients will spend 3 to 5 days in the hospital.”(neurosurgery.ufl.edu).

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What Riley, looked like on Day 3. His eyes are really swollen.

We went into hospital, a day before Riley’s operation. He was fairly happy, walking around in his yellow boots.Following the hospi footprints to the children’s ward.Not knowing what he was in for, the next day.

On operation day,the waiting was hard.He was nil by mouth.His surgery was in the morning, so he couldn’t have any breakfast.I had to keep him occupied with toys and activities,until it was time to go to theatre.I got to put scrubs on, as I went into theatre with Riley.He was placed on a bed, and a mask was put over his face.The anaethetists counted and told Riley to pretend to blow bubbles.I saw him, go all weak and floppy. My heart broke,seeing him like that.I wanted to take it all away from him. I felt so helpless.Again the waiting was extremely hard.My husband and I went out for a walk, and went to a cafe.Then waited anxiously for the call.When we got the call.I didn’t know what to expect, how would my boy be?
When we saw him,he was all curled up on the bed.He looked so tiny and fragile.My heart broke again.”My poor,poor boy!” When we saw his eyes,they looked so different,but they were still Riley.I had him on top of me,on the bed.I just held and rocked him, as he slept and slept.
We tried to feed him, but everything just kept coming up.It was so hard.
Coming back to the ward,Riley was hooked up to a machine, and had all sorts of things stuck to him.He mostly slept for the first two days.When he was awake he would watch “Peppa Pig”, until his eyes swelled up so much, that he couldn’t see.That was heart-breaking!we couldn’t do much but reassure and cuddle him.You just felt so helpless and useless at times.
Once Riley started to heal and feel better,we had the use of a pushchair.Which he loved.So we were able to go for lots of walks, around the hospital,with Riley pointing out the way to go.
This experience affected me alot.I was very unwell at the time.With very severe depression.Yet as selfish as depression is.I needed to be strong.I had to just keep on going for Riley. Despite the depression, despite the tiredness.

We were in for just over a week, and we were ready to go home.Home to our own beds,home cooked meals, and the comforts of home.We thought that we were taking home a better and healed Riley.I only wish that I had realised that there wasn’t something right with Riley! we shouldn’t of left hospital.